The 5 Love Languages
By: Vicky Schleeter
What is Your Love Language?
Each of us has a preferred way in which we desire to receive love and express love. Although there may be many different types, Dr. Gary Chapman suggests that we use five primary Love Languages.
One example using Chapman’s idea of the Love Language of Touch is that you may notice that you feel especially loved when someone reaches for your hand, touches your shoulder or gives you a hug. Perhaps, you are someone who melts from receiving massages or foot rubs. These touch gestures warm your heart and you probably tend to give these same gestures to others, naturally.
Communicating Using Chapman’s 5 Love Languages
* Words of Affirmation
Building self-esteem using affirming words and unexpected compliments.
“I’ am confident” “I’m so proud of you!” “You really made my day when _____.”
Caution: Insults may leave these communicators feeling worthless and unloved.
* Quality Time
Creating quality time by giving undivided attention; turn off the TV and other distractions. Listen!
Caution: These communicators may feel especially hurt when they do not feel like they are being heard.
Displaying love and caring through gifts from the heart. This love language is not about materialism or cost, but gestures to show how much you care.
Caution: Remember important dates; such as, birthdays and anniversaries.
* Acts of Service
Doing . . . Just do it without being asked! Pick up juice from the store, do the dishes, fill up the car with gas . . . all these things show others whose primary love language is acts of service that you care.
Caution: Broken commitments show these types of communicator that they do not matter.
* Physical Touch
Touching (appropriately) is imperative to these types of communicators. These individuals long to touch and be touched using gestures; such as, holding hands, pats on the back, soft touches on the shoulder, etc. to show care and love.
Caution: Neglect and/or abuse is destructive and devastating to all and especially to these types of communicators!
Understanding preferred ways of communication with ourselves and others is imperative. Sometimes we have the same preferred Love Language as those we love and sometimes we do not. Recognizing and using preferred Love Languages celebrates and values the uniqueness in each of us and enhances meaningful experiences.
What to do next . . .
My preferred Love Language is __________
My loved one’s preferred Love Language is ___________
In what ways do you currently show your loved ones that they are important to you?
What will you do, today, to show your loved ones that you care using their preferred Love Language?
How will you show yourself love, today?